My life was forever changed at the time of the birth of my daughter. I became a Father and I became a man who would keep a secret.
The reason I started this blog was for my daughter, who was born 5 yrs ago. I wanted to leave her a body of archival (searchable) work that she could look back upon if she wished. I wanted this body of work to represent to her who her Father is and to understand the “how” and the “why” of me.
I was diagnosed with a disease and handed a newborn baby within days of each other.
Confession: I am a healthy person who suffers with long bouts of illness. In between periods of health where I am clear minded, clean bodied and full of energy, I suffer for months, in truth a season, of illness. Seasons that start off at Thanksgiving and does not end until Easter. This is not about holiday depression, it just happens to be the season of my illness. I have an autoimmune disease. It starts off with fatigue, then a cold, then flu, next an infection leading to long periods of being in bed resigned to repeat this process over and over.
This blog is a love letter to my daughter that I titled “Working Portfolio”. In keeping this journal I have kept my illness a secret. I did not want to share with her that Dad is not Superman. I wanted to share with her the significance of showing up daily to life. A life I lead with purpose, effort, love and humor.
This illness is suffering (at times) in which it affects my entire household, not just me. It affects my extended family. It affects my community of friends. It affects the entire whole of my being.
I want to share some of the things that I have learned living with an autoimmune disease. Future writings will most likely not be about life with an illness. But at this time I wanted to be truthful to who I am and to my daughter and I wanted to write down my life lessons learned.
Lessons I learned from suffering:
Suffering is just that, suffering, nothing more.
Suffering is mindfulness; it gives you the ability to experience a singular moment.
Suffering is a journey through your interiors, it show you the tiniest details of yourself.
Suffering is perspective, it gives you the vision of foresight to see the next fifty years of your life.
Suffering is a balancing act of every moment of wakefulness.
Suffering is not art, it is not fuel for creativity, it is not divine, and it is pain.
Suffering is awareness
Suffering awakens you to your place in this world…and that is good information to know.
I am not a preacher, just a photographer who suffers at times with bouts of illness. For the bulk of this illness I am a functioning addict of wellness. I get up, shower, drink coffee, do yoga, sit on a meditation mat and go about life creating lots of photos.
Not allowing the shadow of this illness be any more than that; a second shadow that I carry with me. At times the darkness of that second shadow overcomes me, becoming strong and overtaking me. Then I suffer.
Then I get up, again, as I promise to you that I will always do.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Light Of The World
In Matthew 5:14-16 it is recorded that Jesus said to his followers: “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."
Huh? Me? Too often we who sincerely believe in Christ want to be silent. We fear bringing up a discussion because we think we have to have all the answers.
Jesus says, "You are the light of the world." If you believe in Jesus as your Savior you represent Him here on earth until He comes OR until your days here are finished. You may be trying to avoid being a witness ... but that doesn't change the fact that you are His light.
The question is ... Are you trying to shine brightly or as dimly as required? I really believe if you’re trying to be as dim as possible you may still need heart change.
Can you imagine that the mission of the body of Christ would rely on us? Big task? It’s a monumental task.
What if the people who saw the risen Savior ceased to talk about it rather than risk their own lives? Perhaps you and I would never have learned about Christ. I am so thankful for those who came before me and told me about Jesus.
But, ... Am I thankful enough to be that same kind of torch of light that is being passed to the next generation? May it be so! I pray that we would be a faithful people to let His light shine. I pray that you hear the words "Well done" from the Savior.
Some of us shine more brightly the older we get. The darker the world becomes … the brighter our lights ought to shine.
You are a light for the world to see. Jesus said these things knowing very well that we would not be perfect nor would we have all the answers for our faith. Jesus knew that the light within us would shine brighter as we yield to His control in our lives.
Dear Lord, I pray for all who follow this blog. I pray that you would reveal Yourself to them. I pray that You would use us to be that light in the world. I pray that You would provide peace, love, grace and mercy in all of our lives. Lord, I pray that I might be a better witness for You in everything that I do. Amen.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
NikonSniper Steve
Huh? Me? Too often we who sincerely believe in Christ want to be silent. We fear bringing up a discussion because we think we have to have all the answers.
Jesus says, "You are the light of the world." If you believe in Jesus as your Savior you represent Him here on earth until He comes OR until your days here are finished. You may be trying to avoid being a witness ... but that doesn't change the fact that you are His light.
The question is ... Are you trying to shine brightly or as dimly as required? I really believe if you’re trying to be as dim as possible you may still need heart change.
Can you imagine that the mission of the body of Christ would rely on us? Big task? It’s a monumental task.
What if the people who saw the risen Savior ceased to talk about it rather than risk their own lives? Perhaps you and I would never have learned about Christ. I am so thankful for those who came before me and told me about Jesus.
But, ... Am I thankful enough to be that same kind of torch of light that is being passed to the next generation? May it be so! I pray that we would be a faithful people to let His light shine. I pray that you hear the words "Well done" from the Savior.
Some of us shine more brightly the older we get. The darker the world becomes … the brighter our lights ought to shine.
You are a light for the world to see. Jesus said these things knowing very well that we would not be perfect nor would we have all the answers for our faith. Jesus knew that the light within us would shine brighter as we yield to His control in our lives.
Dear Lord, I pray for all who follow this blog. I pray that you would reveal Yourself to them. I pray that You would use us to be that light in the world. I pray that You would provide peace, love, grace and mercy in all of our lives. Lord, I pray that I might be a better witness for You in everything that I do. Amen.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
NikonSniper Steve
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